Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Dir: Mike Newell
Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley
(12A) 115 minutes

Aaah, the video-game adaptation. Not a genre that has served Hollywood particularly well in the past (remember Tomb Raider? Of course not, years of therapy) but Disney’s certainly pumped the cash into this latest attempt, presumably hoping for another Pirates of the Caribbean-esque franchise. The result’s no masterpiece by any means, but some great sets and brilliant stunt-work ensure a perfectly acceptable, rambunctious summer blockbuster.

Gyllenhaal stars as the titular Prince, who discovers a mystical time-controlling dagger that must be returned to its resting place (or possibly cast into the fires of Mount Doom) before his villainous uncle uses it to TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Accordingly, he’s pursued by Ringwraiths or some such bollocks, and joined by ‘fiesty’ Princess Tamina (Arterton), with whom he constantly flirts in a bloodcurdling manner (and shares perhaps the worst onscreen kiss in history - Arterton sort of unhinges her jaw, like a python, latches on and sucks). It’s all rather laboured, and more than a little convoluted, but somehow manages to overcome this, its chemistry-less leads and clunky, exposition-packed dialogue to actually be quite entertaining. Who knew? Yep, so if you’re after pretty sets and mindless action sequences, this’ll fit the bill nicely, much like its piratical cousins.

Oh, but incidentally. No matter how much you’ve ploughed into painstakingly rendering every individual grain of sand in your elaborate, awe-inspiring cinematic setpiece, subtitle it with the Papyrus font and you might as well have done it on Paint. Jesus.